Do You Dare to Watch the Human Centipede This Halloween?

I spent the last few weeks with The Human Centipede on DVD in my possession, unable to watch it. Or I should say, “unwilling”? While the studio sent it to me to review, I couldn’t bring myself to pop it in the DVD player. Why? Well, I had heard enough about the premise (and seen the trailer last spring) that I refused to submit my eyeballs to what my mind had already conjured. I did try to get some of my friends to sit down and watch this now cult classic indie film as I filmed their reactions, but no one was game for being the subject of what could have arguably become an overly-complicated YouTube reaction video for 2 Girls 1 Cup: the Movie.

But such a flippant description doesn’t really do the concept of The Human Centipede justice. So what’s the big deal? It’s just another horror movie, right? No, not exactly. It has a strong horror element to it, but not because there’s a monster or ghoul for our coeds to face down and/or be eviscerated by. And let me be clear, I’ve not hesitant to watch the movie based on the perceived quality of the film making. It’s just the nature of The Human Centipede itself. If you know what it is, it should freak you the hell out. I will not spoil the ending for those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about (although I’d be surprised if there was anyone totally left in the dark by this phenomenon by now, 7 months after the film was briefly in theaters), but here goes my rather broad description of the film (with nowhere near the level of detail Daniel Tosh provided on his show or online):

When two lovely female American tourists get stranded in the backwoods of Germany, a seemingly kind but odd gentlemen gives them shelter. Turns out he’s a mad scientist of sorts… like Dr Frankenstein, but without the pesky need to have his subjects be dead before he starts sewing body parts together. Really, that’s what The Human Centipede is: Frankenstein for the Saw generation. If anything, this movie shows that the horror genre isn’t just populated with masked slashers in the woods or gory fantasy mind trips. Like Saw, a number of people are captured and then manipulated in ways that do them severe mental and physical harm, often becoming the instrument of their undoing when they struggle to free themselves from the clutches of a madman. What makes The Human Centipede even more disturbing is the fact that the bad guy is not hidden and his motives don’t appear to be harmful beyond wanting to sew people together ass to mouth simply because he can (it’s better if his subjects live). Of course, the assertions by the filmmakers that the process used to create a completely viable and sustainable Human Centipede is 100% MEDICALLY POSSIBLE doesn’t hurt in upping the film’s creep factor. And they don’t shy away from showing us the glorious, squirm-inducing final product and the terror that grips the faces of those involved. Upon seeing the film, a friend told me that “if you dare watch it, it may be the first time in modern HD technology that I would recommend downgrading to VHS pan & scan.” I agree. This would have been right at home in a 70s era grindhouse theater. Good horror is supposed to scare you and gross you out. The Human Centipede, despite its lack of a marketable villain to put on t-shirts and keychains, excels at pushing past what you thought was the most horrible thing imaginable. But don’t worry if something like The Human Centipede doesn’t really phase you. You’re probably a sociopath. Plus, maybe there’s a chance they’ll succeed in grossing you out when they try to one-up themselves in the sequel that’s already in production.

The part that bothers me most isn’t so much the creepy intentions of the ambitious surgeon, it’s trying to put yourself in place of the characters forced to experience their terrifying fate… not so much that they’d die like that, but that they’d LIVE like that. I personally don’t see the appeal of having such horrors visited upon my mind, but if you can handle what is quite possibly the most unnerving and disgusting film you could possibly watch this Halloween, skip Freddy and Jason’s umpteenth foray into slasherdom and watch something that might just crawl into your head, shit down your throat, and stay there for much longer than you’d ever want it to (what length of time would be acceptable, anyway?). And, yes, that’s a compliment.

If you’re not one to find this type horror entertaining, it’s the type of movie you see on a dare, just to say you saw it and that you’re still alright in the head (not making any guarantees). Seriously, what is it with Germans and scheisse anyway?

The Unrated Director’s Cut of The Human Centipede from IFC Midnight is available now on DVD and Blu-Ray.

I suggest watching it with two friends and a case of Snak Pak chocolate pudding, just to get in the spirit of things…